Not the fish kind. (They are toxic now anyways. Thank you Japan.)
I mean even the more horrible than radiation kind. The ones you step on and they consistently tell you how fat you are.
Well, apparently they are all in a conspiracy. (Scales I mean.) I threw one away several months back because I thought it was lying. It kept stating the same weight day after day and week after week. The damn thing.
Then there's the one at the school. I hate it too. It says the same time after time as well. I can't throw it away though because it belongs to the school.
Then there's the one at the store that I step on when I think no one but that eye in the sky is looking. UGH!
Well, I was at a different store a few days ago and I grabbed a scale and threw it in the basket. I tell you I have tried it several mornings in a row. I have done the after the poop weigh in, the naked weigh in, the expel all breath from your body weigh in and you know what? That damn thing is a part of the conspiracy too!
ALL of them are saying the same fucking number! I can't possibly be starving myself for this shit! It's not going down at all!
And to make things worse, the scale union leader (from the conspiracy group yanno?) must have let out a memo stating let's really fuck with her this time! Let's not show her the weight she really is packing on, keeping the numbers the same for a long time and then POW! All in one moment we will slap it ALL on there! That'll get her for throwing our cousin in the trash 6 months ago!
Scales, conspiracy theories? Maybe, I have really lost it?
You have lost it, alright! Wow! You're starting to sound like me!...that's not necessarily a good thing, I mean I'm amazing and all, but being crazy isn't really seen in a good light. I know from experience. I hope the # starts to go down...and soon, otherwise they may cart you off. (Don't worry I've saved a seat for you.)
ReplyDeleteThe trick is to weight first thing in the morning before eating or drinking, while naked, after voiding both bowel and bladder and exhaling. It has to be all of the above to get the best number possible. Of course, I do all of that and still cry when the number pops up...
ReplyDelete