Do I hear voices?

Ok, so many of you know the ups and downs I have been having lately.  So, you all know that I have been on a virtual roller coaster of my own.  I don't need the people around me to yank me up and force me to ride THEIR roller coasters. Yanno?

Anyways, I am smart enough to know when things are tough.  And by tough I mean I have thoughts. Mean, vicious, horrid thoughts about those around me. These thoughts are caused by the things they do. For example: The hubs has a bad habit of slurping his coffee.  It drives ME INSANE! Usually, I can grit my teeth and get through it. But this past weekend I couldn't help it. I began to plan his death.  I mean it was the only thing giving me the ability to calm myself enough NOT to actually go and grab the knife from the kitchen and perform an unauthorized surgery upon him.

As if that wasn't enough the boy (who has taken to doing EVERYTHING like his dad ARGH!) slurped his coffee.  That was the limit for me. I camped out in the bedroom for the rest of the day. It was the safest place in which there are no knives. Well except for the machete that stays under my bed to allow me to slice any burglars that come into my house.

So, I made an appt with the dr.  Fully aware that they may commit me on the spot I told him of the anger I felt as well as the recent death of my uncle etc etc etc. I told him this has happened only 3 times in my life and each time I just need a little assistance to get over the "wanting to maim/slice/kill people" phase.  The first was when the boy was born preemie and we didn't know if he would live/die etc. The second was about 4 years ago when a hurricane hit and we were all so worried about homes/properties etc for family. And now, my uncle (more like my dad) has died.


Then as seriously as he could (and probably a bit afraid for his own life) doc asked Do you hear voices?

I busted out laughing. No, I don't and never have heard voices. I told him.  A look of relief came over his face and he gladly wrote me a script for my xanax.

While I am laughing at this all now I must wonder doesn't ANYone else just feel like killing someone? Surely, I'm not alone! I mean I know that Aubrey turns into a werewolf with hormonal fluctuations. 

Maybe this is just another one of those times that I am saying out loud what others only say in their heads? So, how about it?  Share something, anything with me so I know I'm not alone.

Mom's on Empty

The price of gas is going up in the country.  Duh right? Well, I am going to say that the price of gas that makes MOM go is also going up. It seems that my tank is running on wayyy past empty and no one has bothered to refill it. 

Each morning I get out of bed in a pissy ass mood.  I hate that the alarm clock went off and if I had a gun I would seriously shoot it. Now, let me explain that I am not the normal oh I gotta get up grumpy. No, no, no. I am MAJORLY pissed off, because I JUST got to sleep raged!

I have had headaches AGAIN for almost a month and a half straight now. They don't go away no matter what I do. (Oh there is one thing that I can do to relieve them for a bit but that's not legal. Even though it's natural! **grumble** Why can't this be one of "those" states??)

Throughout the day the things I have to do weigh heavier and heavier on my shoulders until about noon or 1pm I can barely stand it.  If I don't lie down then I literally FALL down. So, I try very hard to keep that from happening because that gets quite embarrassing. 

So, the combination of no sleep and the headaches along with the added stress of a recent death in the family I can't seem to get over and then the youngest being sick is getting to me.  Add that up all day long with trying to work and then get things done around the house and the anxiety kicks in.  BAD!

I think I'm going crazy. I mean don't the crazies get away with shit because they say they are crazy?  Ohhh, the thought of going crazy sounds good.  Hell, who knows. Maybe I'm already there!

The scare is over.... (for now)

No real catchy title today.  I am just now coming out of my brain fog from last night.  Yesterday after coming home from an unplanned appointment with my surgeon I finally took some of my pain pills from almost 2 months ago that he gave me after surgery and slipped into a pain-free night of dozing/watching TV and snacking. 

If you will recall the last year has been pure hell for me as far as the health department goes.  For a recap click here.  I began 2011 with a major surgery having my colon and left ovary removed.  Things were going fairly well and all until about 2 weeks ago.  I got the bright idea that I could ride my bicycle around the neighborhood to prove to myself I could.  Well, I could but after doing so I left myself with a not so nice pain in my left abdomen. 

For the last two weeks I have dealt with that pain and attempted to deny it could possibly be something serious and kept telling myself it will go away.  Well, it didn't and finally Monday morning I called the surgeon's office and the nurse squeezed me into an appointment yesterday. 

Going into the doc's office was not a fun thing to do I tell you.  My greatest fear was the fact that as much as I liked my surgeon I do NOT like him enough to go through the experience of allowing him to cut me open once again. 

I sat on the edge of the exam table gently swinging my feet back and forth in an attempt to refrain from slipping into a homicidal rage keep things light and in walks the doc.  He of course was smiling and joking as usual but somehow it didn't do much for calming my nerves.  At this point I had attempted to deny this pain and fear for two weeks and my mind was only seconds away from falling over the edge of sanity and reason.

After literally a minute, maybe two, doc smiles really big and nods his head.  Is he smiling from a giddy feeling of a future surgery he sees me as?  I mean after all he is a slicer surgeon right?  No, he is in fact smiling because my ailment is in his words "normal".   NORMAL?  WHAT???? 

It seems that a certain percentage of patients have their small intestines rebel a bit against taking on the new role of acting as a colon.  (Remember they took out my colon?? They stretched my small intestine allllll the way around and connected it to the poop shoot to become my new colon.)  The rebelliousness of my small intestine is the source of the spasms in my abdomen I have been feeling.  Whew!~

In addition to this the pulling pain I feel to the left of my belly button is due to the connecting stitch used to attach the before mentioned small intestine now in the role of colon being attached to the muscle.  Apparently, a certain percentage of patients have this stitched area to pull the muscle a little too much causing a small inflammation resulting in pain. 

I shake my head in wonder because just a few days after surgery my doc explained to me the crazy mad itching I was experiencing at the incision area was normal as well.  It seems that a certain percentage of patients (wait haven't we heard this before???) experience this type of maddening itching caused by the nerves under the skin rejuvenating. 

So, all in all everything I am going through is normal.  However, seeing as how I have now accomplished 3 things in a row that only a "percentage" of patients experience do you think I should take a trip to Vegas or something?  I mean it seems my luck is just "right" there yanno?