Anyways, I am smart enough to know when things are tough. And by tough I mean I have thoughts. Mean, vicious, horrid thoughts about those around me. These thoughts are caused by the things they do. For example: The hubs has a bad habit of slurping his coffee. It drives ME INSANE! Usually, I can grit my teeth and get through it. But this past weekend I couldn't help it. I began to plan his death. I mean it was the only thing giving me the ability to calm myself enough NOT to actually go and grab the knife from the kitchen and perform an unauthorized surgery upon him.
As if that wasn't enough the boy (who has taken to doing EVERYTHING like his dad ARGH!) slurped his coffee. That was the limit for me. I camped out in the bedroom for the rest of the day. It was the safest place in which there are no knives. Well except for the machete that stays under my bed to allow me to slice any burglars that come into my house.
So, I made an appt with the dr. Fully aware that they may commit me on the spot I told him of the anger I felt as well as the recent death of my uncle etc etc etc. I told him this has happened only 3 times in my life and each time I just need a little assistance to get over the "wanting to maim/slice/kill people" phase. The first was when the boy was born preemie and we didn't know if he would live/die etc. The second was about 4 years ago when a hurricane hit and we were all so worried about homes/properties etc for family. And now, my uncle (more like my dad) has died.
Then as seriously as he could (and probably a bit afraid for his own life) doc asked Do you hear voices?
I busted out laughing. No, I don't and never have heard voices. I told him. A look of relief came over his face and he gladly wrote me a script for my xanax.
While I am laughing at this all now I must wonder doesn't ANYone else just feel like killing someone? Surely, I'm not alone! I mean I know that Aubrey turns into a werewolf with hormonal fluctuations.
Maybe this is just another one of those times that I am saying out loud what others only say in their heads? So, how about it? Share something, anything with me so I know I'm not alone.