Well, I will tell you, even though most of you who care about me know already. My life has changed because one of the greatest men I have ever known died Sunday. It wasn't a shock as he had been sick for quite a while and was actually on HOSPICE for the last several months.
But yes, while the horrible boohoo, break down, fall to your knees type of reactions have not really happened I am left with this overwhelming feeling of emptiness.
It's not a mystery to me what this emptiness actually is. After all I am the realist in the family. I am the one that can say what needs to be said without that OH MY GOODNESS I can't say THAT out loud filter. Everyone else is afraid to say what needs to be said because they fear they may hurt or offend someone. That's not me. If you read my blog for any length of time then you know that about me.
Anyways, back to the emptiness feeling. Uncle Bill was the last of my small group of people that I admired, looked up to, leaned on. He was my rock. No matter what I did, where I went, or even how long it took me to eventually call him he was there. He was there without judgment, without lecturing, without negativity. I knew that whatever I had done or not done he was there to listen. Many times he didn't even tell me what to do or even give me suggestions. He had this incredible way of letting me talk until I eventually realized my answer was actually within me the whole time.
I often made the joke that in my eyes my Uncle Bill walked on water right next to Jesus himself. You may laugh but I really felt that way. Don't get me wrong. I fully admit that he didn't rub everyone the right way. In fact some just flat out didn't like him. But I didn't care and still don't. He's my Uncle Bill.
Uncle Bill devoted his life to his kids and anyone else he could help. He would adopt you as his own without a second thought. So many people can sit and relive the unselfishness he gave of himself and I am definitely one of those people.
But now, finally, he is able to enjoy something for himself. He is now with his beloved wife, my aunt, Linda, the complete love of his life. I take comfort in knowing that they are laughing and loving the time they now have together. They are dancing and he is sharing with her all his stories of those important to him, his sons, his nieces, his nephews, his grandchildren and so much more.
While we the ones left behind, are grieving, and have an emptiness within our hearts time will reveal to each of us that Uncle Bill didn't leave us entirely. He left within each of us a bit of his wisdom, his strength and definitely his love. That I am sure of.
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| Aunt Linda & Uncle Bill |
Hugs to you and the family.
ReplyDeleteI hope you are strong enough to help your kiddos during this time.
Wendy,
ReplyDeleteThat's part of why I love you so much. Yes, the kids and I have been dealing together quite a bit on this one. More than once we have sat and laughed, cried and laughed some more about stories with Uncle Bill.
Miss you my friend!
Jonsie~~
Dammit. I hate that your Uncle Bill died. It reminded me a little of how I felt when my Dad died. I was shocked, and I stayed that way for about a year. The hole is still there and it isn't ever filling up.
ReplyDeleteSorry for your loss, Jonsie.
Yeah. Uncle Bill was like my dad. I didn't really know my own and Uncle Bill filled that void on more than one occasion.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate the kind words ONION.
Jonesie~~
So sorry for your loss...
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by and leaving such a lovely comment on my blog!
♥cyn♥
The Purple Goddess